We left our families, sad and crying.
We marched until they were out of sight.
We marched to serve our country,
And weren’t going down without a fight.
We marched to serve our country,
And weren’t going down without a fight.
We made our homes, in the deep dark trenches,
The walls were slick with blood.
With enemy shells bombarding us,
And the constant fear of mud.
With enemy shells bombarding us,
And the constant fear of mud.
When it was our turn, to go over the top
When zero hour came,
Many died in no man’s land.
This war was not a game.
When zero hour came,
Many died in no man’s land.
This war was not a game.
And as we charged the enemy lines,
Their gunners maintained their fire.
Our brave, brave men were dropping like flies.
Our situation was dire.
And yet somehow I crossed the stretch.
And so did many others too.
We had avoided bullets, bombs and gas,
We finally came through.
We had avoided bullets, bombs and gas,
We finally came through.
http://bp0.blogger.com/_bN7Qs9GU4QM/RxzeATC93QI/AAAAAAAAAA0/Zc6WSnevCcs
/s320/Trenches11.bmp
http://pics.rubylane.com/graphics/shops/curioshop/coll473.1N.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/55/Going_over_the_top_01.jpg
http://www.dur.ac.uk/4schools/FWW2/Images/advancesml.jpg
http://www.greatwardifferent.com/Great_War/Trench_Raids/War%20Illustrated%20-%20Trench%20Raid%20008.jpg
3 comments:
The rhymes in this poem work out pretty well. This poem is effective because it really shows how the soldiers had felt during World War I; how they struggled through the war. Also, the images really add on to the poem.
In this poem, I think you did well doing describing the battle field and how the armies felt,when they were leaving there families. By doing those stuff, it made the readers to show how the battle fields were, and how the armies were feeling. To improve, I think you should use more poem techniques, such as metaphor and similes, which will make the poem better. All and all I think it was a good poem.
Nice job. =) I liked the first sentence, "We left our families, sad and crying." While I read your poem, I could make a picture or image in my head. You used rhymes, repetitions, line breaks, etc... Maybe you could use some of the onomatopoeia. Overall, nice job! =)
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